In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
