She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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