Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
