no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
