I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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