Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
