Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize