I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
