I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
