playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
