dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they need to just BURY HIM!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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