what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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