My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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