Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
two words...techno handjob
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
