Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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