I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
