It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
