i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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