I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i think my cat just said my name.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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