i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
