Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
