i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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