We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I could fuck to npr.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
