Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize