I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
