dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
