3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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