i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
