are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
