i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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