im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize