Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
