We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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