I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
