just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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