I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
