I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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