you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
