Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
