ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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