He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
