she was so not down for the gang bang
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
