it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
