I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
