I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
