we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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