You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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