yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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