she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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