I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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