I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
