You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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