just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The adults are the big ones right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
