u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
