mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
