Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
