Nicole vs. Life
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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