I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
