He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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