i was born a porn star she said
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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