She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
