I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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