I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
