i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
