Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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