I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
