Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
