it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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