I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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