how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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