So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
