He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
