where does the pee come out of this thing
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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