are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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