He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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