Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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